The Cigar Incident

For any of you who are married, or in a long-term relationship, you know how simple disagreements can turn into one or both partners saying the most asinine statements the world has ever heard.  One such statement was made by my loving wife over  a cigar.  Now I am able to write this post with confidence only by first saying I have been the one who is guilty of this the majority of the time.  Also, because I received my wife’s permission to write the post in the first place.

My wife and I were having a discussion about something irrelevant and ended up in a disagreement.  My wife became extremely irritated with me.  You know, the type of irritated where no matter what I did next it was going to piss off my wife to the point of no return.

After our disagreement my wife went outside to get the mail.  When she came back inside she was holding a lighter.  Now I know I had left the lighter outside on our patio couch, but here is the exchange.

Wife (Lightening): “Do you know where your lighter is?”

Me (Thunder): “In your hand.”

Lightening: “Do you know where I found it?”

Thunder: “I left it outside last night after having my cigar?”

Lightening: “Do you think that was smart?”

Thunder: “Okay, Babe, I have no idea where you are going with this.”

Lightening: “You need to be more careful, somebody could have set the house on fire.”

(What Thunder thought to himself): “What the eff did she just say?”

After thinking about my response, I tried to use logic.  I told Lightening.  “Babe I don’t think arson is a crime of convenience.  I don’t think Chet McMasterson would be walking his dog, see a lighter sitting on our patio couch and think to himself, ‘This is too easy.  These stupid sonsabitches just made it too easy.’

The great thing about Lightening is she knows when she is guilty of the asinine statement.  We were able to share a laugh and move on.  We try to resolve disagreements quickly, and if both parties are willing they can often be resolved with a laugh, a kiss, or “business time.”